The following are movies that I can literally watch over and over again not because they are amazing but because they are simply amazingly awful! Naff dialogue, terrible acting, mental, disillusioned directors and special effects a 9 year old could create, here are my picks of my personal favourite/god-damn awful movies.
You MUST watch these movies.
Fatal Deviation holds the accolade of being Irelands first ever martial arts movie/Irelands first ever movie. Probably.
It was written by James P Bennet who also stars in the leading role as a kung fu master Jimmy Bennet seeking to avenge his fathers death at the hand of the worlds worst/oldest gangster who lives in a caravan with his henchmen.
Jimmy meets a super hot babe called Nicola who stacks shelves in the local Kwik Save. One day she is attacked by a couple of thugs who he roundhouses into a pile of toilet roll, the next day she is again attacked by a couple of thugs who he roundhouse kicks over a car and a 2 foot wall.
I’m sensing a pattern here…
Needless to say after witnessing such bravery Nicola falls head over heels in love with Jimmy and bakes him a cake. In Ireland baking a cake is the true symbol of everlasting love (fact). Anyway back to the action. The worlds oldest and shi**est gangster is arranging flowers when he notices one of his goons has been beaten up (check the clip below) so in reprisal of this henious act he kidnaps Nicola the super hot cake making babe.
Jimmy has to enter a Martial Arts tournament held in a derilict barn and deafet the bad guys but how can he manage to do this by himself I hear you say? Well a monk trains him in the field, a monk who trained his father and his father and his fathers, aunties, cousins dog walker. The wise monk does f**k all and just watches Jimmy do chin ups hanging from a tree, Jimmy dosnt even spar, just 5 minutes of chin ups is all the monk requires him to do to save his girlfriend.
I cant really remmember much else apart from an amazing scene in a bar where Jimmy beats the crap out of everyone then there’s a naked man having a bath outside and a cameo from Mikey Graham from Boyzone who has the best line in the movie ‘You made me look bad and that’s not good!’ classic.
Most of the action scenes are ripped straight out of the Van Damme classic Hard Target including an almost shot for shot remake of the famous standing on the motorbike and shooting scene and the kicked a guy in the face while he is riding a bike scene.
The movie looks to have been filmed on a video camera with a green blurry lens to make it look super exciting.
Overall this is an amazing achievement in motion pictures. The film makers have replicated a 50 million dollar action movie on a budget of around £50 with some of the worst and greatest moments in the whole of Ireland’s cinematic history.
4. The Room
What more can anyone say about The Room? Written and Directed by Tommy Wiseau a man who to give him some credit raised a significant amount of money to fund the movie including professional cameras, green screen and dubbing. The fact he was able to do all this himself is amazing and I take my hat off to him, but anyway back to the movie.
It was originally billed as a dark drama telling a story of true love and heartbreak as a mans relationship breaks down due to his girlfriend Lisa being a massive whore.
What it ended up being in reality is an hilarious comedy so epically terrible you literally could not make it up. Tommy Wiseau’s acting is just amazingly bad, the first time I saw it I was speechless at some of the gibberish he comes out with and he laughs after every single line!
In the first 20 or so minutes there are 3 soft core sex scenes, sex scenes heavily dubbed with groans of pleasure, sex scenes so un-sexy my penis almost shriveled up and fell off through shame.
I could talk about the room all day but I suggest you get your arse on youtube and find some clips or even better buy it get some mates around and have the greatest movie night of your life.
3. Leprechaun 4 In Space
The original Leprechaun is somewhat of a cult classic and starred none other than Jennifer Anniston in her first acting role and of course the legend that is Warrick Davies as the mental Irish lucky charm. Since the original classic there have been many Leprechaun sequels which have all been frankly terrible including the ridiculous Leprechaun in the Hood! But in my humble opinion nothing can compare to the amazingly awful Leprechaun 4 In Space.
The premise is simple, the director watched Aliens one night while probably getting high and decided that the Leprechaun franchise needed to basically rip off Aliens as much as possible, then he passed out in a pool of vomit. In the morning he probably woke up covered in vomit and that triggered his memory of the nights events and he set to write the wost sequel idea of all time.
Warrick does his thing as the Leprechaun as well as ever but everything else is just mental. The cgi looks like a ps1 game, the actors are just awful, the sets look like they were filmed in the 1960′s in a shed, in fact everything is just so so so bad it might just be genius.
GBH is a real treat for fans of exploitation movies and classic tales of good vs evil. The story revolves around the late Cliff Tremlow being released from prison for GBH who is tempted back into being a bouncer at a club in Manchesters sexy night clubbing scene despite his criminal conviction.
What follows is 2 hours of low budget madness as the evil crime lord Keller and his gang of thugs attempt to take over a night club or some bollocks, and the the only thing standing in there way is ex body builder and steroid lover Cliff Tremlow who beats the living sh*t out of them all.
The acting quality is lower than a worms cock and the action is just rubbish. But what GBH has in spades is charm. You can’t help but enjoy the madness going on as the film rolls through crappy scene to crappy scene cut badly with little thought. The movie ends with a car chase on the streets of Manchester which I’m pretty sure was pretty much illegal followed by a shoot out in a club which is just terrible. I mean amazing! No I really mean terrible but just watch it!
GBH has boobs, guns and a car chase. which is worth checking out for fans or utterly retarded movies especially if you are from Manchester as it’s crazy seeing the local sights before the city was regenerated. I think part of the love i have for this movie is the fact that Cliff Tremlow wrote it, starred in it and also wrote the score which is actually the best part of the movie. Please god i beg you all to watch this movie!
1. Birdemic-Shock & Terror
The 4 previous movies on this list combined can’t even compare to the utter, utter hilariousness of Birdemic.
Birdemic is down right the worst film ever made, no if’s or buts it is the worst ever made period.
The movie takes itself completely seriously without a hint of irony and is an attempt to create a horror movie with an environmental message revolving around global warming.
Let me tell you about the first time I saw Birdemic. I was with 2 mates and they had already seen it, we sat down as the movie started and even the credits were the worst credits i have ever seen.
When it gets down to the dialogue NONE of it I repeat NONE of it is dubbed! You can barely even hear the dialogue, in the restaurant scene at the beginning all you can hear is pots and pans and people as the crappy editting cuts from one inaudible scene to another.
I remember laughing so hard at literally the first line of dialogue that I almost died, tears rolling down my cheek. For the next half an hour the movie is the worlds worst romantic comedy as the worst leading man in the world ever devoid of personality woos a super hot model babe and they fall in love. After one night of thrilling sex both still fully clothed pretty much they wake up to find exploding birds attacking the world. That’s right people EXPLODING BIRDS.
KAMAKAZE BIRDS THAT EXPLODE.
I lost my mind at this point, i mean i totally freaked out i could hardly breath I was laughing so hard. GOD DAMN this movie is just so so so bad! To combat the exploding kamakaze birds they arm themselves with the teeth with coat hangers. COAT HANGERS.
I don’t care what you are doing, drop it imidiately and go and watch Birdemic right now! This instant!
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